autistic / artistic

We have more words to describe character traits now than we did when I was a child.

Upon entering school, I was determined to be “gifted and talented”. For social development, they opted to keep me in the age appropriate grade rather than accelerate me to my educationally appropriate grade.

So, they took me out of class for additional tutoring while others were reading.

This did not benefit my social development.

I realized, recently, that I relate to the experience of neurodivergence. Reviewing my life through this lens has clarified circumstances and conversations that previously confused and frustrated me.

I make more sense to myself now. I experience 50% more sensation than neurotypicals. This simple fact informs everything! I’m living in a louder, brighter, more fragrant, sensational experience than most, and always have been. My behavior is a response to my sensory environment.

I’ve learned to mask my atypical behaviors. In fact, I spent four years and a summer in London studying acting in conservatories. It surprises people when I reveal my conflicting experience of simultaneous enthusiasm for and fear of interacting with people in general.

I feel comfortable presenting my research in my areas of expertise, performing live music and engaging with strangers to take their portraits, but I’ve had to learn, over my lifetime, how to navigate social interactions. I remain awkward and uncomfortable. That said, there are those folks with whom I simply connect. I now recognize that these folks tend to be neurodivergent, as well.

Now that I understand that my brain is running a different OS than most, I can create strategies to successfully translate incoming and outgoing signals, like learning a new language, which I’ll be doing in 2025, 20 hours a week in a Valencia. I’m confident that focusing on fluency at 46 will benefit my brain’s cognitive function for decades.

I’ll never stop learning, playing music, engaging with a diverse community of humans, challenging my cravings and aversions. I edit my existence to what is essential, effective…the elegant solution. I am grateful for this compulsion to LIVE and the wisdom to do it well.